Depression & Me (Issue 35)

Words: Luke Miller

Artwork: Kosy (Darren Egonballoo Cunningham)

Depression is a really hard thing to describe. It affects so many people in so many different ways, yet it isn’t often talked about. My experience of depression is like watching your world drain of colour. Not quickly, but gradually, day after day, things just become less appealing and you start losing the motivation to do things. Even the things that you enjoy and have a deep passion for start to lose their appeal. I find myself often laid in bed not doing anything; it’s not that I don’t want to, but I just can’t bring myself to do anything.

As my depression came about from a traumatic experience, I often get trapped in my own head, thinking about the accident or even being guilty that I was the one to survive. I feel like I’ve lost my spark for life; it is sometimes near impossible to enjoy things, and, even if I do find the motivation to go do something I enjoy, I feel burned out and exhausted afterwards. Eventually, it got to the point where I wasn’t eating regularly and it felt impossible to even leave the house, let alone go to work.

My first stop on my road to recovery was my GP. This was a daunting ordeal, especially with the anxiety issues I was having at the time. I had this thought that I would be judged for feeling this way or maybe they would think I was faking it for some time off work. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case and I was directed to the Talking Shop as well as being referred for therapy.

My first visit to the Talking Shop was a lot easier than going to my GP. I just popped in when I felt like it and had a chat. Unlike my GP, they were a lot more supportive and it felt a lot easier to talk in their environment. I’ve had a few chats with them over the years and I’ve always come out of it in a better way.

Right now, I am slowly getting better and gradually regaining the life I used to have before all this happened. Things are still shaky at times, and I’m still on medication for the time being, but things are looking up for me right now. There is one thing that I was told about all this: it doesn’t go away, you just learn to manage it better. I’ve been very lucky to have supportive friends and family who I can reach out to, especially when I’m feeling at my worst.

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